GRAND FINALE *30days30poemas #30

Call me imperfect
tell me Im not worth it
or that you genuinely cant see what my worth is
cause I need more work internally...
Tell me I gotta wait my turn to be seen
cause it seems I aint good enough
Tell me Im not the best
and when I cry,
tell me to toughen up
Tell me to keep my mouth shut
cause if I tell you "I can"
You'll just call my bluff...
cut me out of your mind;
Say im unworthy to be there
tell me to not speak
cause no one will care what I have to say;
that they"ll just rub my dreams in the pavement
Why?
Cause I know who I am
And I kno I will make it
And (call me cocky)
But I know Im THE shit
So all the hate you spray my way?
You can keep it
cause peep this:
I already accomplished my dreams...
*I got you sayin my name*
So the next time you have somethin to tell me,
You'll be callin me "The Dame",
"La Jefe" and yes "The Queen"
You'll be smiling in my face
as Im watchin ur eyes go green
as you try to fit into my seams
cause you cant seem to catch my sunrise
so you stay riding on the gleam....

*peace and love yall...thanks for the support BESOS Y BESOS*

30days30poemas #29

He say
he wanna me my nite in shining armor
cause my Karma
lets him know that I deserve better
he say he wanna stand with me in in weather
no matter whether or not
Im right or wrong...
he say he wanna feature on my next song
He say in his arms is where I belong
and that he'd let no wrong come my way
He say I can have it my way
*like burger king*
he tell me he wanna be my king
better my savior whose just a peasant
he tells me to forget my past and let him be my present...
He say he don wanna gaze upon crescent moons;
just wants to look in my eyes
and understand that they tell the truth
he say he wanna watch our friendship bloom...
Tells me not to worried about moving too soon cause,
that will never happen
No intentions on having intentions;
simply letting things happen...
he say he just want to grasp hands...
nothing more and nothing less
he say he aint worried for my silhouette...
and even if he was he would only let me
grace him with presence gently
Is it wrong to say he gets me?

30days30poemas #28 *My final Haku* because everyone needs a laugh

You talk too much shit
You should think about your words
before you eat them

30days30poemas #27

You
invade my mental space
taking my mind to a place
where it doesnt belong on the daily
you make me
want to cave in
yet wanna emerge
and when your touch meets my skin
its like a surge of energy
Problem is,
you're no known friend to me
you should be my enemy
after all the hurt you've cause
and put all this pain into me...
I mean,
you killed one that was kin to me...
so the times when you're touchin me gen/t/ly
I cant breath cause ur pinned to me...
i love ur pressence
yet still hate thee...
...to love

30days30poemas #26 *try my hand at free verse*

Today.
I hate my hair.
and the way it smells.
It reminds me of you.
And I still wonder why i wear your shirt to sleep
Its funny because
I keep saying how I wish I could forget you
yet your memoirs still litter my room...
Like the two monkees you gave me on valentines day
They still sit on my dresser unmoved,
untouched,
I wonder if thats a reflection of my heart...

30days30poemas

You kissed me gently
Making me feel like I was your girl
But we were worlds apart
But that night our hearts were in tune
Filling my head with lies like
"Girl your my moon,
My sun my stars; girl,
You're my universe
And as a poet, he rehearsed
These verses in my ears
As though I didn't hear him the first time
As though I hadn't already memorized the first three lines
Subconsciously hoping that these lies became truth
But understanding completely,
That I could never be with you...
We don't live the same lives
And even as poets,
We don't tell the same lies
And honestly,
I don't believe our priorities reside
In the same area
I keep telling you to leave
And you swear that I'm darin ya to stay...
But in the back of your mind, you know,
We'll never work out this way
But you hand continues to lay on my back
As you continue to pretend like I fill what you lack....
When we both know...
Two steps for us,
Is seven steps back...

30days30poemas #24

irrelevant worth
makes me feel so unneeded
questioning motives...

30days30poemas#23

I fell for a poet
cradled by his lies
moved by his words
and touched by his eyes
and I couldnt keep mine off him,
though I tried
but it was like,
he stepped inside my life
Spoke directly to me
understanding my secrets
and seeing my "shallow" for its true deep...
...I mean depth
his words got my speech confused
better yet, im loosing my breath
but as a person,
I dont know what I think of him yet
See,
he broke me down with
metaphors and similies
making me think he was sent to me
cause he sees strait into me
and feels my endless need...
he invades my sleep
With no clue of who I am
Just a face in the audience
just a snap among hand claps
In actuality, its just that,
that attracts me...
he keeps lying obliviously...

30days30poemas #22 short and sweet cause if i go in, im goin in

stop asking for my
advice when you dont listen
you are wasting time

30days30poemas #21

I.
dont want to fight
for your attention
with the television
and not to mention
after you havent called me all day
needless to say
I feel like Im being place to the side
for a two hour TV rollercoaster ride....
You.
want me to hide my aggravation
when I would think that its blatant
that im losing my patients
so at the point where I cant take it
I fake the calm
and tell you when the shit goes off, give me a call
and. you.
stall to the point that lets me know you're there
but not that you're listening
so when I let you kno that the shit gets to me
you act pissed at me.....
please.
So.
Then.
I plain and simple get off the phone
blown
that you couldnt tell I was upset by my tone
observing how my being of irritated has grown
I send.
A Text Message.
The deadliest of sayings
putting my anger in graving
which made things no better
so now Im on the other end of the teather
tryna figure whether you would call back
cause you told me not to go to sleep
So now Im up.
And even angrier
That you just couldnt listen to me speak.
I dont want to fight for your attention
esspecially when I fear its your attention I cant keep

30days30poemas #20

I aint tryna be your girl
Nope
Not even tryna be a part of your world
I just want you to explore me till my insides adore me
For letting thee, bless me...
I just want you to undress me;
Caress me
Let this be
Nothing less and nothing more
Than what happens behind closed doors
No need to broadcast what's happening
Cause actually,
You won't see me before four...
AM
I mean let's be blatent
You're nothing more than a good fuck
Then I kick you out like caveman...
No, you can't
Sleep over
No need for cuddling afterwards
And if you bring my business public
Ima act like I've never heard your name before...
That I've never seen your face or that, simply,
The sex was a bore...

30days30poemas #19 *hella funny *

Maybe you should smile more
Because you're stupid frown face
Makes me want to puke
*thank you thank you*

30days30poems #18

I care too much
I give to much love
You think that Im being silly but
I know this because
I know me
I speak to comfortably
I move so freely
and I trust too gullibly
So now my heart caves in sullenly
When I find half yall niggas bluffin me...
Like the one that spoke of cuffin me
and honestly, this shit is so disgusting to me
I should be able to see
through the bullshit thats handed with consistancy
But it seems my young mind is so niave
cause the intelligence in me just cant conceive
the notation that niggas lie strait through their teeth
-hmph- Silly me
steady wonder what happen to honesty
and a sense of moral
and now all my mind can tell me is "slow down"
So I lay back and watch
just to see how many of theses niggas
doin dirt on my watch....

30days30poemas #17

*a hiaku*

Silly, stupid man
Put his fuckin hands on me
Hope he likes his grave...

*thank you thank you* hahahahaha :) *i had to give u something funny!

30days30poemas #16

Got so much to say yet no one to say it to
soon you'll see how every line relates to you
how our love never grew
and how our hateful words spew
how every time you break my heart in spite of my love for you
makes me wonder what I should do next?
What's the wisest step?
cause Im tryna awake in a world
where for the most part Ive slept
and kept my sleeve on lock and key
leaving my chest exposed cause though its where my heart should be,
my emotions leak out violently
Thats why I cant put away how much you hurt me
or the emotions I have that Im hiding desperately
hoping my inability to shield doesnt expose me completely
and that the tears cried doesnt in essence defeat me; knocking on my door and greeting me
Leading me down hurtful paths
scaring me to a point that I ask"why?"
Is it because I held my head to high
Or am I really to preoccupied
tryna catch a wave but receiving the entire tide?
constantly swept under by your lies...
"I wanted to be with you"
but ur actions dont show that is true....
"We cant step there"But you constantly toy with me so unfairly
Or am I judgin you unjustly?
Im just searching for a little simplicity
and I swear on everythingI wish you would stop walking away from me
and stop causing me to do the same
cause no matter what I do It seems Im always left in the rain
Gathering lost pieces and harnessing the pain...

30days30poems #15 *Poem written early on but truly is deep in my heart

They say I should forgive you.
I dont believe so
cause they dont know how
things between you and I used to go....
How you would throw me into walls
punch me until I'd fall to the grown
and the only sound heard from my lips
was agony
then you would come back and speak
blasphemy by telling me you loved me...
Then two days later, you'd shove me
If not physically, then mentally
talk down upon my dreams
no matter how much they meant to me...
and to think I actually thought you were sent to me....
I actually thought we were meant to be
Was so excited about news of a pregnancy
It was like happiness spread through me instantly
all to be broken down a couple months later by you pinned on me....
slammed to the floor
and a hand around my throat
Laughing as you slowly watch me choke
only letting me go,
when you realized you were killing me....
but even with gasps of air,
I still couldnt breath....
never thought the next day I'd be staring
at my daughters autopsy sheet....
So I left declaring I would turn over new leafs
Then you came back promising to settle all beefs
things would be different, I just have to stick around to see
so I did
like a dumb lovestruck kid
only soon to see I needed to be rid of you
I found myself reacquainted with you:
my face with ur fist
My throat with ur hands
at that moment I realized you were less of a man
so I followed through with plans I hoped would never have to stand true
I never wanted my best friend to put his hands on you
Never wanted to call the police
never wanted to separate you from me
But then again, I never wanted to be separated from my baby
never wanted to see my skin black and blue
never wanted to shed those tears
Never wanted to ultimately hate you...
hate you...
Its about time I said it
Cause the anger boiling inside wasnt gonna cut it....
ive had enough of it....
but i cant let it go...
so forgiveness for you coming from me?
The world will never see
never hear,
never kno....

KANYE'S SORRY ASS APOLOGY

After his egotistical ass said that rude ass shit in the middle of fTaylor Swifts speech, he apologized...He should just shut the fuck up sometimes...

30days30poems #14

I thought of you
And couldnt figure out why
the thoughts were so deep I had to advert my eyes
to see if you were around...
Not one sound
my heart hits the ground
Cause I found myself thinking of you...again
I remember when we were just friends
It was all so complicated for me
cause you wanted to keep me at a distance
when I wanted you there heavily
to others, your poison was deadly
but it was a cure for me...
its always been hard to explain
cause in the midst of you bringing me pain...
you had reign over my heart
to a point where I believe my savior couldnt bring us apart...
*laugh* So mistaken
Cause when you were ready to go,
you made it blatantly known
but no signs of giving up were shown
No whistles were ever blown
no time outs to be called
my world just turned around
and to my dismay, I had fallen....
disoriented to a point where I heard you callin my name
But you were no where close by
and I hated that you were always in my mind,
even when I closed my eyes...
So I denied the hurt
and pushed anger out my spirit
and was happy when days came someone said your name
and I could bare to hear it...
yet, one sense is triggered
and all comes back to me
though how joy never stayed,
when we were together, I was happy
Never willing to go back
cause time has run its course
but at times, I look back with remorse
while thinking predictable "what ifs", of course...

30days30poems #13

He is my escape
He releases me from the daily debate
of whether or not to be good
or great
cause he just takes me as is
with no concern of how my past lived
and no judgments of my past kid...
He is
My vacation from this place where
I cant tell the truth from lies that are blatant
He does for me
what *he* cant
Terrible Im sure
But imagine being greeted by abuse
every time you hit the door....
Its like im poision
and he's my cure...
I dont know how he lured me in
but I was absolutely intrigured from the beginnig
it was like he had me pinned
with no where to turn
solely to watch the lust in my eyes burn
ready to teach me new things
and not stopping to my lesson was learned...
I yearn
for his touch whilst Im not in his face
cause I know soon enough
I'll need my escape....

30days30poems #12

This Loves like
The best and the worst; half blessing half curse
when Im so afraid to go under but so ready to immerse
and still ready to emerge from this hold
Knowing truly Im a coward just pretending to be bold
afraid of the fire yet more afraid to be left in the cold
cause Im not tryna be alone when I turn old
so I steadily watch the cards unfold
while giving the worse poker face
cause Im so afraid to touch yet so ready to embrace
wanting to be exposed but constantly hiding my face
knowing Im guilty of being in Love but wanting to be innocent just in case
Im made to turn back and forget all Ive known
take back all Ive said and forget all Ive shown
and in the process tell my heart to find a new house to call home
cause it seems, in my temple, its simply outgrown
Then Id have to find a new tone for my tune,
A new shine to my moon
cause i wasnt anticipating my sun setting so soon
I'd end up residing in a looming darkness
and my soul would be as cold as the aquatic artic
and you wanna know what the bad part is?
None of these thoughts have even departed
between the space of fears and reality
And the fact that I can even think all this is like mental brutality
This Loves like the fear of fatality
and everything thats honest, is playing shy to me,
like playing hide and seek
Screaming "come find me" playfully
and since I cant visually differentiate,
Im scratching the inside of my mind hatefully....
This Love's steady breaking me
yet building me up slowly
Im hoping that I leave this Love wholly; in one piece....
Cause while I live for this love,
I swear its killing me...

30days30poems #11

Apparently,
Im a thief
and people can be owned
and apparently
I stormed in and declared you overthrown
even though
you willingly step down from your thrown
declaring that the love that was once there
was no longer being shown
so what I dont understand now
is why you are so blown...
I can only imagine the envy flowing through your bones
cause now my heart resides where your heart wanted to call home...
a steady dial tone replaces what used to be conversation
but the fault in all of this is blatent
and I don't think I appreciate it
when you assume that you had something
and I just decided I'd take it....
Quite frankly
I think you make this situation more dramatic than it needs to be
especially when you were the one who chose to leave
I just happen to be the shoulder on which he decided to lean
Which, to me, seems probable
Since I am the one he shares his life with
so, my mind doesn't comprehend why you're behaving like this...
*Pause*
Apparently, I'm the cause
that caused the effect
and apparently my judgment is clouded
cause I knew I fell for my best friend
and yet I sat back and allowed it...
Apparently I unarmed you,
I doubt it
cause if I remember correctly,
you said you're life was too crowded
to add one more person
So I dont understand why now that Im taken,
you pretend like Im hurting you?
And you try to mask it so well
with your expected insults
and your inevitable "Go to hell"
which is hilarious to me
cause before you were wishing me well
Like a father giving his daughter away
but now you retreat back to me
asking is it games I like to play?
Cause apparently I was the queen of your heart...
And apparently you're really good at playing this part...
cause to me, this is all a game...
and im just some character in you're elaborate mental play
And your story unravels in a melodramatic way....
and well, who am I to beg you to stay?
I mean, what did you expect me to say?
"No, I was wrong all along! And its you that I long for!
I Love You Mr. { }" (you'd scream :"I love you too baby")
(yeah right, sure)
Apparently, you two have it all
figured out in your head
without any words from another side being said...
and hey,
who am I to take those misconstrued illusionz out your head?

30days30poems #10

You've been gone for ten months
and I miss you like crazy
I remember days when we
used to sit side by side and converse
about anything on earth
birth, life, death
and the essence there after
as if the world were a book
that we wrote the chapters to...
and how I used to steal your shoes
better yet, your laces.
How I would create a piece of art
and you would fill in the negative space and
how everywhere was play space
and all the time was play time
and it blows my mind
that after all we've been through
we still have ties that bind...
cause we went through dramatics
periodic spurts of anger
to the point where everyone else saw danger
where we saw disagreement
but the next day we were fine
to the point where everyone else couldn't believe it...
we put each other through grief
but at the end of the day
it made our friendship interesting
you were nothing more than a blessing
but now I can only begin guessing
what you're doing and
how you've been.
Its it lonely?
Or have you made new friends?
Do you still stand out?
Or does the uniform make you blend in?
Does your return bring new beginnings?
Or was our last goodbye, the end...
You've only been gone for two months
and I miss you like crazy...

30days30poemas #9

I can't take this
I feel like I'm breaking down
When I listenin to my own voice now
I don't recognize the sound
Cause my pride has been pushed to the ground...
Daily I'm hounded by pompous critics
Who give me "advice" but I can't do nothin with it
Cause every single phrase just seems to hit my psyche
Its like these words are meant to break me
And take me to a place of discouragement
And my heart is past its level of endurement
And to put it simply,I feel like giving up
And shuttin myself out
Cause with every note sung, Someone always has reasonable doubt
And I'm past shouting, fussin and screamin...
I'm just deeming myself...
Finished..

30days30poems #8

Remember when I said I didnt love you?
Well...I kinda lied
And I think I should confess it
cause the more and more I try,
I cant seem to push you out my mind
and sometimes I still cry
about the way that we separated
I left you filled with hate and
you left me jaded
and there was no point to debate it
cause I was surely finished
and truly bored with watchin or relationship diminish
and tired of my screws being thrown off their hinges
I was so sure that we had ended
So I let you believe I had forgotten you
but tonite, Ima tell you the truth
I still see illusions of you
you still appear in my dreams
I still imagine you in hallways
even though I know you're over seas
I still wear your tee to sleep...
Still blurt out some of your jokes
Still got your shorts, and your coat
and Im still finding it hard to cope
with the fact that we lost hope in us
and let our love turn to dust
by letting everyone's lies
dissolve our trust...

30days30poems #7

Sometimes
My imperfections consume me
and I feel trapped like
every single flaw entombs me
and its truly a shame
sometimes I want to deny my name
cause I feel like attached with it
is an immense amount of pain
with no room left to gain understanding
of a simple life that always seems
too demanding for me...
Its like I cant see the bigger image
So I build wall after wall
just to keep from being seen as timid
and most times, just tot hide the tears
I keep all the rooms dim lit...
You just dont get it
sometime I hate my own skin
cause most times, I stand out too much
when I just want to blend in...
Its like I cant win...
But then, I remember
that my savior didnt make any mistakes
So even though sometimes
Im repulsed by my own space
I think of his grace,
and im grateful
and though I will never look at a glass
and think "half full"
Im just thankful for the presence of water...

30days30poems #6

I still see you in my nightmares
and, not to sound juvenile
but it just aint fair
I mean
I stopped caring about your movements
they day you proved that
you hated me
By privately disgracing me...
By placing me in hospital bed
for a solemn doctor to have said
my baby was dead
because I had miscarried
all because you had buried
your foot
into my stomach
all because you "didnt want it"
and, in addition, didnt want me
no,
you'd rather see me living miserably
without my baby...
My daughter was my entity...
So forgive me
but its infuriating
that every time I close my eyes to sleep
there's a fear that you will appear in my dreams...
and as silly as it seems,
Im terrified
simply because you are no longer a part of my life
But you, uninvitedly invade my mental space
and I impatiently have to wait
for my unconscious self to awake...

30days30poems #5

I am
cocky with reason
You cant do what I do
I mean well you can try
But my success far exceeds you
cause while you busy chasin stacks,
Im steady countin my loot
I know this may sound harsh but im just tellin the truth
that you,
cant match me
cause I embody all that you will never be
While you're ready to get dirty
and rollin up ur sleeves
Im on the side line chillin
like Im watchin palm trees
I mean I got everything that you need
And you have nothin I want
thats why I laugh when you come around tryna front
Like you gettin enough money to roll ur twenty as a blunt
*huh*
Say that again?
You say the games changed me?
Naw never my friend
Im still the same youngin I was to begin
I just seen the jealousy
when my name became topic trend
You say Im a bitch?
Let me be that to the end
Just let me say this
Its funny to me how *now* you talk shit
cause before I got signed,
you was hangin off my pussy lips

30days30poems #4

The minute I saw you
lust filled my eyes
But I kept it quiet
cause Im quite sure exposure
would have came as a surprise
I just...undressed you with my mind;
Let my pupils roam
through every inch of your body
and admiring the structure of every bone
needless to say, infatuation was grown
right out of mid-air
And though I made it my business
to not shamelessly stare,
I failed
And all my girls could tell
That I was longing to read your body with my fingertips
As though you were braille
Within seconds my mind had began to trial
to your sexuality
and whether or not you could handle in entirety
cause in a few seconds,
I was painting pictures in my mind
and our bodies intertwined inspired me...
and at that moment,
unspoken passion became dire to me...
But you were none the more wiser
So while you're calm like cool waters
Im ready to light that fire...
All these thoughts happening in a couple minutes
and, to me, you're no more attentive
to my mental thoughts of
you touching spots most sensitive;
givin me your best in the worst way...
And the moment I step out of my daze,
you ask me if I have anything to say...

30days30poems #3

I remember when we used to cut class together
sit in library and, i dunno
speak about the weather
or whether or not we had the same beliefs;
Speaking on what gives the other grief
we just had...peace
Then out of the blue,
it seemed our feelings increased
I mean i would be yearning just to see you
funny thing is, you always knew
yet never pursued
but still showed that you care with little things that you'd do
so day by day, my feelings steadily grew...
but then you
walked right out my life
with no reason why
And just when I thought I was ready to say goodbye,
you returned
explaining to me how ur world turned
and that things we be different
and get better
as soon as you got urself together...
So I was always around like the ball on the tether
That hangs at the schoolyard
Always wanted to let you go
but it was too hard
So now its 2009....
wonder if Ive takin this fantasy too far....

30days30poems #2

How do you
say you love me
and verbally abuse me in the same moment?
And every wrong I point out to you
you cant own it
Tell me how you feel for me,
but never shown it
got me searchin for love outside the home.
Shit
I thought you were the best that I could get
I mean, the best there was out here
But you quickly changed my mind
when I cried my first tears in your face
you just told me "this isnt the place"
told me to fix myself together, you kno,
wipe off my face
Submissively, I do as Im told
thinking it would get me in good grace
Not the case as we never discussed
that days occurrences or what was happening between us
you just simply
let it go
And I didnt know what to think
wasnt sure if you were concerned
or if this didnt mean a thing between you and I
So I let that day die
But when we kept having the same consistent issues
that always result in me lookin for tissues
and my heart feeling the pain of being misused,
I knew what I had to do
And it hurt me the most...
So
Time goes and I aint heard from you in years
and I have already moved passed imagining you in my biggest fears
had already shed endless tears;
I moved on
I mean I had finally stopped crying when I heard our favorite song
Stopped the side chuckles when something reminded me of you
Essentially, my feelings were few
That's when, a phone call came through
"Hello? Who's This? ........Earl?"
You start feeling my head with "you've always been my favorite girl"
amd "how are you doing now?"
and then you told me you love me
and I quickly respond "how?"
I mean cause I didnt uderstand
Then you asked me to marry you
and move with you to Japan
cause that was your next station,
Explain that ur love for me was blatant
And your leaving was no vacation
And that nite I cried, cause I had lost my patience
cause for so long I waitied
just to here you say this
and it just so happens that your feelings gather,
when it no longer matters....

30days30poems #1

Everytime we meet
I dont speak
I dont even look your way;
I pay close to no attention to you
At least thats what I let your eyes see
See,
I aint tryna expose my vulnerability
So I let you believe
that nothing you say phases me,
that them bullets you throw barely graze me
You"ll never know that visions of you got my eyesight hazy
cause its these walls that made me
and I dont need you to know
that every time you walk in a room,
Im caving.
And every time you even look at me,
Its your touch that Im craving
You'll never know that Im in a daze when you talk
or that I admire your body structure
when you walk out a room
or better yet when you walk in
No
You'll never know that I long to be more than friends....
Why?
Cause you barely acknowledge my existence
and for all I know,
you think no more of me when there's distance,
than when Im right in front of your face
what Im sayin is, its not my place
to expose myself and upset the pace
of our everyday lives
so I will continue to lie
continue to stand on the side
and not speak,
not look your way,
and pay no attention to you at all
why? cause im afraid to fall...