30days30poems #12

This Loves like
The best and the worst; half blessing half curse
when Im so afraid to go under but so ready to immerse
and still ready to emerge from this hold
Knowing truly Im a coward just pretending to be bold
afraid of the fire yet more afraid to be left in the cold
cause Im not tryna be alone when I turn old
so I steadily watch the cards unfold
while giving the worse poker face
cause Im so afraid to touch yet so ready to embrace
wanting to be exposed but constantly hiding my face
knowing Im guilty of being in Love but wanting to be innocent just in case
Im made to turn back and forget all Ive known
take back all Ive said and forget all Ive shown
and in the process tell my heart to find a new house to call home
cause it seems, in my temple, its simply outgrown
Then Id have to find a new tone for my tune,
A new shine to my moon
cause i wasnt anticipating my sun setting so soon
I'd end up residing in a looming darkness
and my soul would be as cold as the aquatic artic
and you wanna know what the bad part is?
None of these thoughts have even departed
between the space of fears and reality
And the fact that I can even think all this is like mental brutality
This Loves like the fear of fatality
and everything thats honest, is playing shy to me,
like playing hide and seek
Screaming "come find me" playfully
and since I cant visually differentiate,
Im scratching the inside of my mind hatefully....
This Love's steady breaking me
yet building me up slowly
Im hoping that I leave this Love wholly; in one piece....
Cause while I live for this love,
I swear its killing me...