About Time {Poem}

They say I should forgive you.
I dont believe so
cause they dont know how
things between you and I used to go....
How you would throw me into walls
punch me until I'd fall to the grown
and the only sound heard from my lips
was agony
then you would come back and speak
blasphemy by telling me you loved me...
Then two days later, you'd shove me
If not physically, then mentally
talk down upon my dreams
no matter how much they meant to me...
and to think I actually thought you were sent to me....
I actually thought we were meant to be
Was so excited about news of a pregnancy
It was like happiness spread through me instantly
all to be broken down a couple months later by you pinned on me....
slammed to the floor
and a hand around my throat
Laughing as you slowly watch me choke
only letting me go,
when you realized you were killing me....
but even with gasps of air,
I still couldnt breath....
never thought the next day I'd be staring
at my daughters autopsy sheet....
So I left declaring I would turn over new leafs
Then you came back promising to settle all beefs
things would be different, I just have to stick around to see
so I did
like a dumb lovestruck kid
only soon to see I needed to be rid of you
I found myself reacquainted with you:
my face with ur fist
My throat with ur hands
at that moment I realized you were less of a man
so I followed through with plans I hoped would never have to stand true
I never wanted my best friend to put his hands on you
Never wanted to call the police
never wanted to separate you from me
But then again, I never wanted to be separated from my baby
never wanted to see my skin black and blue
never wanted to shed those tears
Never wanted to ultimately hate you...
hate you...
Its about time I said it
Cause the anger boiling inside wasnt gonna cut it....
ive had enough of it....
but i cant let it go...
so forgiveness for you coming from me?
The world will never see
never hear,
never kno....

In The Back Of My Mind For The Longest Time

So. I have been wanting to get this off my chest for about seven months. Lets start from the beginning:
At the age of eighteen I was engaged and pregnant and living with this man that had taken ever ounce of energy from me. When every thing all started, I was so blinded by it all. I always thought that I was at fault for everything that ever happened between he and I. *sigh* I loved him {I was stupid} I changed my life for him. He didnt support me in anything I ever did so I stopped, for him. And then I found my mind....Once I found my common sense.....he learned that his fist could do damage. He beat me up bad. I called the police. They didnt do anything but tell me I couldnt press charges> To make a long story short: I dont understand, no I understand I just wish, HE WOULD GET OUT MY MIND....he's in my nightmares.